Seven Quick Takes - December 4, 2009
Pssssst! There’s more Quick Takes over at Conversion Diary. Check ‘em out!
Take 1: Last night I had a lovely date with my friend Bethany; we dined at Olive Garden then saw the movie Precious, which I’ve been looking forward to for months. It was, as I expected, a brutally honest portrayal of child abuse, yet somehow managed to end on a note of hopefulness. It’s a kind of against-the-odds story; most young people who are abused become abusers themselves, and from some of Precious’s actions, I can see that she’s already starting to react to life in the only way that’s been modeled for her: violently. Still, something in her knows that she and her children deserve better, and she’s lucky enough to have people around her who won’t let her give up.
There’s been a lot of talk about Mo’nique’s performance, and for a very good reason. She was both terrifying and pitiful as Precious’ abusive mother. If you’ve heard of Mo’nique before, you probably know that she’s had a fairly successful career as a comedienne; if you’ve seen her stand-up, you know why. She’s hilarious! And yet she managed to go in the opposite direction and pull off one of the darkest dramatic parts I’ve ever seen. Big, big kudos!
Mo’nique as Mary, Precious’s mother.
Take 2: I was tempted to subtitle this week’s Seven Quick Takes “Links to a ton of cool blogs I just discovered,” because, well, I just discovered a ton of really cool blogs! The first one is Mommy Wants Vodka, which is crass and irreverent and HILARIOUS. The best post I’ve seen so far is “Aunt Becky’s” Thanksgiving gift to all of us blogging peons: Blogging for Dummies. Her advice is wise, honest, and… crass & irrverent. My kind of girl. Seriously, you gotta check her out.
Oh, and if you are tempted as I was to steal some of Becky’s most entertaining turns of phrase, remember: “Stealing gives you herpes.” (Yeah, she wrote that, not me.)
Take 3: And then there’s 1000 Awesome Things, which is (as you might have guessed) simply a daily log of things that strike the (unidentified) author as “awesome.” My favorite? #622 When the dog’s really excited you’re back home. SO TRUE. When I hate the world, all I have to do is walk through my front door and see those tail-wagging furry bundles of joy, and I feel better.
Take 4: The last great blog I have to share with you is Free Range Kids, written by Lenore Skenazy, author of a book of the same name. You may have heard of Skenazy in the hooplah that followed her April 1, 2008 column in the New York Sun, “Why I Let My 9-Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone.” If you DIDN’T hear about her during that media feeding frenzy of mama-piranhas, you may not be surprised to hear that most folks on the internet with an opinion (that would be all of them…) thought that Skenazy was America’s Worst Mom.
I have to say that I think she’s pretty awesome. It breaks my heart that kids nowadays don’t enjoy the same freedoms I did just 20 years ago. I mean, it’s not like I grew up in an idyllic post-war Leave It to Beaver world; I lived in a small city, in a neighborhood sandwiched between the richest and the poorest sections of town. And yet I had the freedom to walk to my best friend’s house (crossing a busy street and encountering all manners of strangers in the five minutes it took me to get there), to ride my bike to the local playground, to disappear for hours on end without an electronic leash by which my parents could maintain some illusion of control over me.
It seems that the prevailing attitude today is that we must protect children from every risk - Not just every harm! But EVERY POSSIBLE RISK - at the expense of their freedom and autonomy. Whatever happened to teaching kids right and wrong, giving them tools for decision-making, and then letting them go their own way? Am I a fool for hoping I’ll be able to raise my child as I was raised - trusting that he or she will get through life just fine, so long as I provide the guidance he or she needs?
Take 5: A friend of mine recently noticed and commented on the fact that I have several Helen Keller quotes stored in the signature lines of each of my myriad email addresses. “You must be a fan,” he said. “Indeed I am,” I said. How can I not be? Her optimism and drive to succeed in spite of her handicaps challenge me to remember that no matter what setbacks I encounter, I can and should choose to push beyond them.
My favorite Helen Keller quote? “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” Rock on, Hel. Rock ON.
Take 6: My mother, who is THRILLED that she’ll be a grandmother for the FIFTH time when my little bundle of joy arrives, has bought quite a substantial library for me of secondhand pregnancy, childbirth and childcare books. If you know me well at all, you know that I love to read, and that when I have a new interest I try to absorb all the knowledge I can about it - but I try to be as discerning as possible in the research sources I choose, weeding out the quacks and weirdos whenever possible, and taking each piece of advice with a grain of salt.
One baby care book my mom sent to me that I thought for SURE I’d find absurdly unhelpful is The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems (by Teaching You How to Ask the Right Questions): Sleeping, Feeding, and Behavior–Beyond the Basics from Infancy Through Toddlerhood. I was sort of familiar with Tracy Hogg’s technique, and I figured it was a load of hooey. How can one possibly expect an infant to stick to a schedule? Or to fall asleep on his or her own? I mean, come ON. I figured my mommy style would be much more Dr.-Sears-granola-crunchy-ish: you know, cosleeping, feeding on demand, etc. But I’m starting to wonder if maybe the Baby Whisperer might have something worthwhile to offer. At the very least, I’ll give her book a fair shake and a careful read.
Take 7: I consider myself a freak of nature because it wasn’t until I was an adult that I truly appreciated the stop-motion holiday TV specials that nearly every other person of my generation has long loved, such as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Santa Claus is Coming to Town. I just thought they were… BORING… when I was kid, so I don’t feel any nostalgia about eagerly awaiting their appearance on network television each year (you know, in the world before VCRs and DVDs). I like them plenty okay now, but when I think of the holiday specials that made my childhood, the two that come to mind are A Charlie Brown Christmas and How the Grinch Stole Christmas!.
However, if I was going to pick my ALL-TIME FAVORITEST HOLIDAY STORY OF ALL, I’d have to go with A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. I don’t care which “version” of it you want to watch (tho the Kelsey Grammer musical version really did kinda suck), I just LOOOOOOVE the story. Ultimately, it’s a story of redemption, and I think that’s what draws me to it. We all run into Scrooges in our lives, and sometimes the only thing that keeps us from going postal on those cold-hearted bastards is the idea that maybe, someday, they too discover the value of love, family, friendship, and generosity. I mean, if Ebenezer Scrooge can be reformed, can’t we all?
By far, my favorite adaptation of the story is Patrick Stewart’s audiobook - which, so far as I can tell, is not longer available for sale. SADFACE.
So tell me, What’s your favorite winter holiday story or tradition?
Marie Said,
December 5, 2009 @ 1:26 am
Mixed feelings on the kids thing. I was considered quite the helicopter mom in my old neighborhood. But during the time I lived in that town (very much like the town you describe) we’d had maybe three kids abducted out of their front yard and assaulted by strangers or near strangers. Found out after living there two years that a teen sex offender lived on the corner (middle middle class neighborhood with good schools and all that) and that my neighbor had been unknowingly sending her little girl over to play with the boy’s younger sister.
Sorry, but it’s not a nice world out there. The risk may be small that my kid will be assaulted, but the consequences are so great — it’s like me holding an atomic bomb and being told there’s only a one in a half million chance it will go off. . .. .
At the same time, my kids got dirty. They climbed trees they might fall out of. They even rode bikes without helmets sometimes. They learn about death and sickness and heaven and hell, things many moms feel they are protecting their kids from knowing about. I don’t introduce topics, but when my nine year old wants to know exactly how sex works and specifically tells me that, she gets to know. So there are things I protect them from and things I don’t. But what they usually don’t do is face things alone. Does that make them less independent? Dunno. I know their friends who are essentially latchkey, with moms who are usually gone or busy and dads who are in another town, certainly seem more independent. But they also say that if you leave a crying infant for days that child will stop crying, not because he is self-comforting, but because he knows no one is coming. So I would rather help my kids be independent by standing by while they make their own decisions, secure in knowing that they can mess up because I’ll pick them up if they do, than leave them to develop independence because they have no other choice.
I’m doing good, thanks. Hope you’re doing great. Thanks for the good things to think about, again.