I’m sure this topic won’t inspire any strong opinions AT ALL.
So I was walking into work this morning, chatting with a colleague. Somehow we got on the subject of kids, and I asked him how old his daughter is now.
“She just turned 22.”
“And what does she do? Is she in school or does she work?”
“No, she just got out of jail.”
This guy and I often joke around, so at first I thought he was teasing me. “Really?”
He laughed. “Yeah, really!”
“Aw,” I said, semi-joking. “You must feel like you really messed up.”
“No, I don’t! You don’t blame Jeffrey Dahmer’s parents for what he did, do you?” [I'd like to interject that I find it rather disturbing that he compared his child to a serial killer who ATE HIS VICTIMS. Unless of course his daughter was also a serial killer who ate her victims, but I highly doubt that if she's out of jail now.]
“Actually, I do. Although in crimes of extreme depravity - like serial killers - there’s usually an element of off-the-charts madness, there’s also usually an element of abuse when the killer was a child.”
“I don’t agree,” he said. “And let me tell you a secret, mommy-to-be. Some kids are just bad.”
So what say you, gentle readers? Are parents without ANY responsibility in their child’s crimes? If YOU had a child that chose a life of crime instead of being a contributing member of society, wouldn’t you feel - even a LITTLE bit - that you did something wrong?
Personally, I think there are a great many factors that contribute to a person’s development. I don’t think you can blame nature or nurture 100% - and certainly, a child’s peer group has a lot to do with how he or she turns out! - but without a doubt, some parents do manage to screw up royally when raising their kids, and the rest of society bears the nasty consequences.
Get out your soapbox, tell me I’m way off base - or that I’m brilliant and Oh So Right On The Money - and debate amongst yourselves, but please keep it civil.
By the way, did you know that Dahmer later claimed to have become a born again Christian? If that doesn’t test your beliefs of God’s grace, I don’t know what will.
Natalie @ Naddy's Blog Said,
February 1, 2010 @ 5:07 pm
If YOU had a child that chose a life of crime instead of being a contributing member of society, wouldn’t you feel - even a LITTLE bit - that you did something wrong?
Very much! As a parent, I’m responsible for the influences (movies, books, teachers, peers, etc) that shape my child. If I let preschool teachers, TV, and the local public school raise my kids, I am STILL responsible. I may have handed over the work, but the responsibility is still mine.
Of course nobody wants to feel responsible for their child doing something bad. And I know parents who have kids who turned out fine, and others who didn’t. Who is to blame there? Hard to say. Maybe they should’ve worked harder to connect to those kids they had trouble with. Maybe the kids for whatever reason didn’t want to have any of it. But whether a person wants to feel responsible for their child or not doesn’t change whether they ARE responsible or not.
Natalie @ Naddy’s Blog´s last blog Nathan and Butter