Effortless Effervescence

Good Lord, it’s been three weeks since I last blogged. Considering that I used to average 3 posts a DAY at the height of my bloggeer,* a three-week hiatus when my computer is in working order and I’m not laying on the side of a mountain buried under mud and sticks is just… freakish. I’ve been wondering what this silence means. It certainly doesn’t mean that I don’t have anything to say - my mind is still crunching away on all matters blogellectual** - motherhood, theology, politics, what’s happening in Season Six of Grey’s. And it certainly doesn’t mean I don’t want to share these thoughts with others. Rather, I think it has something to do with a little voice inside my head saying, “Emily, nobody CARES.”***

Let me tell you about Emily the Blogger, circa 2005/06/07. I was a “pissa.” I used to say that some people loved me, and some people found me overwhelming - and it’s true! Although my writing was oftentimes irrelevant, boring, or downright offensive, it was just as often funny and touching and insightful and controversial. My blog was personal - in both topic and tone - and it didn’t hedge any bets. Of course I wanted positive feedback, in the form of glowingly complimentary comments and a growing readership, but I also wasn’t afraid to lose readers because I was honest. I was well aware that you can’t please everyone even part of the time, so I didn’t try. I just liked to write, and I believed in what I had to say.

Why is it, then, that as I’ve transitioned to blogging publicly, I’ve developed this peculiar performance anxiety? Perhaps it’s the loss of anonymity, and the pressure I’ve put on myself to be more than just-another-gal-with-a-blog. I mean, I have Big Dreams for my website; I hope to launch a freelance art/design/copywriting/editing business later this year, so I’m aware of how aware I need to be of my online image and “brand.” I know (most of) the rules for becoming a successful blogger. I’ve done lots of research (okay, I’ve skimmed a couple of online articles) on using one’s blog to create an online following and leveraging that following into the coveted Golden Carrot that almost every wannabewriter is chasing: The Mythical and Magical Will-Make-All-Your-Dreams-Come-True Book Deal. (Also chased and coveted, as a means to an end: The Mythical and Magical Will-Get-You-A-Book-Deal-And-Make-All-Your-Dreams-Come-True Agent.)

And maybe that’s the problem. In the same way that every attempt I make to finish my Great American Novel or my Brilliantly Poetic and Touching Memoir swiftly chokes to death on the noxious fumes of fear and self-doubt, perhaps approaching my bloggeer with these same High Hopes is setting me up for failure. I’m so much more timid than I used to be. In my blogging heyday, I didn’t issue disclaimers with every post; I said what I meant to say, and if I hurt someone’s feelings, I apologized and left it at that. Or, I DIDN’T apologize, if I thought that what I said was valid and not-TOO-terribly-bitchy. I didn’t try to be all things to all readers, and at the same time I let my focus wander. If I wanted to write about something that tickled my fancy, never did I consider whether it would tickle the fancy of my “target demographic.” I just wrote.

This messy, take-no-prisoners approach did not win me blogging awards or a cult following. (I really couldn’t, since my blog was friends-only… but still, it’s not like I had the whole internet beating my door down.) In fact, I managed to anger and alienate more than a few people I ran into - a handful of whom I considered actual friends. That hurt, as you might expect, and it’s likely the number-one reason I don’t approach blogging the way I used to, as a means of expressing myself and making new friends. I don’t like drama, and I’ve worked hard to eliminate it from my life; but in doing so, it seems, I’ve eliminated some of my life from my writing. That is a problem-with-a-capital-P.

One of my favorite bloggers is on a quest in 2010 to get her groove back, and I’m wondering if I need to embark on a similar journey. Folks, I’ve become tame - maybe not in person, ask my husband, but certainly in my net-persona - and that’s just a gosh darn shame. That’s not who I’m meant to be. I was created to be funny and fierce… and embarrassing and over-the-top and exhausting. Dangit, I might be a For Real Grown Up now (31 years old, married, preggo, homeowner - YIKES!) but that doesn’t mean I have to be boring. Quite the opposite.

* bloggeer - noun, blogging career
** blogellectual - adjective, of or pertaining to thoughtful bloggishness; noun, a person whose blog is thoughtful and/or thought-provoking
*** This voice is sometimes referred to as the “internal editor,” the most critical part of your personality, who delights at tearing apart your creations before they’ve even begun to take shap. I’m not saying all artists are sufferers of MPD, but we ARE a weird lot.

What can I say? I’m a giver. And I’m on a sugar high from birthday-cake-for-breakfast, which makes me feel jittery and generous.

I read some awesome blogs, y’all. And it seems that I add to the list every single day. As I told a coworker yesterday, I’m a bit of a Blog Addict. But unlike heroin or cigarettes, which will kill you or at least give you wrinkles and a sallow complexion, blog-reading addiction causes very little trouble in one’s life other than keeping one up much too late at night. Drinking alone is no fun (and generally frowned upon) and neither is solitary blog-consumption, so I am here to share with you some of this week’s best of the web. Or, at least, best of the parts of the web that I read.

Betty Duffy, who is clever every day, shared some marital insight yesterday that really resonated with my soul:

My husband and I have always positioned our bed under a window, and one summer night, the bats were out, flying very close to our screen. We both jumped up to our knees to look out the window. It felt like we were two children, suspended for a moment by our mutual fascination in something other than ourselves–matrimonial innocence, like two lovers before the fall.

It was just a little taste of the sweetness that ensues when we quit treating one another like a trick pony: I’m here. Talk to me. Other couples talk. Why don’t we have anything to talk about? If we can look outward together, we are bound and united by our mutual experiences and labors. We don’t need to talk so much.

Lenore Skenazy of Free-Range Kids: fame, posted an update to a recent post about pregnant women being driven crazy with worry about Every. Little. Thing. They. Do. (Not that I can relate to this AT ALL.) What you’ll notice about these two posts is that Skenazy is sharing insights from her readers and leaving the table open for other readers to comment on the issue and talk amongst themselves. I think the best kind of blogs are those that faciliate interaction and connection, and Lenore gets an A+ for drawing her readers into a lively conversation every day.

Jessica Gottlieb, who strikes me as one of the sweetest and most loving mommies that ever lived while simultaneously being the kind of person that my mommy wouldn’t want me to hang out with, tells a hypothetical story about getting stoned and forgetting where she - or, er, the hypothetical heroine of her story - hid her pot. And worrying about her kids finding it before she does. If you’d like to laugh until you cry, check out her most popular posts. Fair warning: don’t consume any beverages while reading.

No, really, put the soda down.

I’m sure everyone else on the internet already knows about The Bloggess, but if you don’t, YOU SHOULD. The Bloggess is another writer who makes me weep with laughter and gets me in trouble when I read her posts while I’m at work. My cube-mate was understandably disturbed by my reaction to yesterday’s post about Google’s “helpfulness” - I mean, it is rather disconcerting when the person next to you is alternately guffawing and sniffling, right?*

I don’t think I need to say this again, do I? Put the soda down.

It occurred to me the other day what an incredibly diverse group of blogs I have hanging out on my Google reader. Food-focused, natural-living-focused, family-focused, Jesus-focused, and… um… F-word-focused. Well, you get the idea. I suppose this says a lot about my diverse interests, but it also calls attention to what’s MISSING from my blog roll. I don’t read any GLBTQ or feminist blogs regularly, nor do I really follow “current affairs,” unless you consider People magazine a reliable news source.

So, I’m hoping that my readers will be willing to give me a few NEW blog recommendations. It is my birthday, after all. If a blog challenges me to think, I’ll likely follow it; if it makes me laugh, I’m sure to adore it. Thought-provoking AND hilarious is the Blog Holy Grail as far as I’m concerned, so if you have a link of that ilk, I’d love you forever.

* The same thing happened when I first discovered I Can Has Cheezburger. I scrolled through several pages one afternoon - you know, taking a much-needed and much-deserved break from worky-type things - and later that year ended up with THIS on my annual review:

Disclaimer: Any links within this post to Amazon.com are “affiliate links,” which means that if you purchase the product I’ve recommended, I will receive a small portion of the profits. That shouldn’t deter you, though, because I’m a good person. I’m such a darn good person that if you knew me well you’d want to give me the money outright!

In this special edition of the Saturday Evening Blog Post, Elizabeth Esther has asked her faithful fellow bloggers to pick their best post from 2009. I’ve chosen my Blogging as Prayer post, for a couple of reasons. Not only do I consider it an example of some of my finest and most honest writing, but several of my readers were deeply touched by the subject, which always makes me warm and glowy inside.

Why not head over to EE’s place and share your best post of the past year? She said it herself - the more the merrier!

Pssssst! There’s more Quick Takes over at Conversion Diary. Check ‘em out!

Take 1: Last night I had a lovely date with my friend Bethany; we dined at Olive Garden then saw the movie Precious, which I’ve been looking forward to for months. It was, as I expected, a brutally honest portrayal of child abuse, yet somehow managed to end on a note of hopefulness. It’s a kind of against-the-odds story; most young people who are abused become abusers themselves, and from some of Precious’s actions, I can see that she’s already starting to react to life in the only way that’s been modeled for her: violently. Still, something in her knows that she and her children deserve better, and she’s lucky enough to have people around her who won’t let her give up.

There’s been a lot of talk about Mo’nique’s performance, and for a very good reason. She was both terrifying and pitiful as Precious’ abusive mother. If you’ve heard of Mo’nique before, you probably know that she’s had a fairly successful career as a comedienne; if you’ve seen her stand-up, you know why. She’s hilarious! And yet she managed to go in the opposite direction and pull off one of the darkest dramatic parts I’ve ever seen. Big, big kudos!

Mo’nique as Mary, Precious’s mother.

Take 2: I was tempted to subtitle this week’s Seven Quick Takes “Links to a ton of cool blogs I just discovered,” because, well, I just discovered a ton of really cool blogs! The first one is Mommy Wants Vodka, which is crass and irreverent and HILARIOUS. The best post I’ve seen so far is “Aunt Becky’s” Thanksgiving gift to all of us blogging peons: Blogging for Dummies. Her advice is wise, honest, and… crass & irrverent. My kind of girl. Seriously, you gotta check her out.

Oh, and if you are tempted as I was to steal some of Becky’s most entertaining turns of phrase, remember: “Stealing gives you herpes.” (Yeah, she wrote that, not me.)

Take 3: And then there’s 1000 Awesome Things, which is (as you might have guessed) simply a daily log of things that strike the (unidentified) author as “awesome.” My favorite? #622 When the dog’s really excited you’re back home. SO TRUE. When I hate the world, all I have to do is walk through my front door and see those tail-wagging furry bundles of joy, and I feel better.

Take 4: The last great blog I have to share with you is Free Range Kids, written by Lenore Skenazy, author of a book of the same name. You may have heard of Skenazy in the hooplah that followed her April 1, 2008 column in the New York Sun, “Why I Let My 9-Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone.” If you DIDN’T hear about her during that media feeding frenzy of mama-piranhas, you may not be surprised to hear that most folks on the internet with an opinion (that would be all of them…) thought that Skenazy was America’s Worst Mom.

I have to say that I think she’s pretty awesome. It breaks my heart that kids nowadays don’t enjoy the same freedoms I did just 20 years ago. I mean, it’s not like I grew up in an idyllic post-war Leave It to Beaver world; I lived in a small city, in a neighborhood sandwiched between the richest and the poorest sections of town. And yet I had the freedom to walk to my best friend’s house (crossing a busy street and encountering all manners of strangers in the five minutes it took me to get there), to ride my bike to the local playground, to disappear for hours on end without an electronic leash by which my parents could maintain some illusion of control over me.

It seems that the prevailing attitude today is that we must protect children from every risk - Not just every harm! But EVERY POSSIBLE RISK - at the expense of their freedom and autonomy. Whatever happened to teaching kids right and wrong, giving them tools for decision-making, and then letting them go their own way? Am I a fool for hoping I’ll be able to raise my child as I was raised - trusting that he or she will get through life just fine, so long as I provide the guidance he or she needs?

Take 5: A friend of mine recently noticed and commented on the fact that I have several Helen Keller quotes stored in the signature lines of each of my myriad email addresses. “You must be a fan,” he said. “Indeed I am,” I said. How can I not be? Her optimism and drive to succeed in spite of her handicaps challenge me to remember that no matter what setbacks I encounter, I can and should choose to push beyond them.

Helen Keller, circa 1904.

My favorite Helen Keller quote? “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” Rock on, Hel. Rock ON.

Take 6: My mother, who is THRILLED that she’ll be a grandmother for the FIFTH time when my little bundle of joy arrives, has bought quite a substantial library for me of secondhand pregnancy, childbirth and childcare books. If you know me well at all, you know that I love to read, and that when I have a new interest I try to absorb all the knowledge I can about it - but I try to be as discerning as possible in the research sources I choose, weeding out the quacks and weirdos whenever possible, and taking each piece of advice with a grain of salt.

One baby care book my mom sent to me that I thought for SURE I’d find absurdly unhelpful is The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems (by Teaching You How to Ask the Right Questions): Sleeping, Feeding, and Behavior–Beyond the Basics from Infancy Through Toddlerhood. I was sort of familiar with Tracy Hogg’s technique, and I figured it was a load of hooey. How can one possibly expect an infant to stick to a schedule? Or to fall asleep on his or her own? I mean, come ON. I figured my mommy style would be much more Dr.-Sears-granola-crunchy-ish: you know, cosleeping, feeding on demand, etc. But I’m starting to wonder if maybe the Baby Whisperer might have something worthwhile to offer. At the very least, I’ll give her book a fair shake and a careful read.

Take 7: I consider myself a freak of nature because it wasn’t until I was an adult that I truly appreciated the stop-motion holiday TV specials that nearly every other person of my generation has long loved, such as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Santa Claus is Coming to Town. I just thought they were… BORING… when I was kid, so I don’t feel any nostalgia about eagerly awaiting their appearance on network television each year (you know, in the world before VCRs and DVDs). I like them plenty okay now, but when I think of the holiday specials that made my childhood, the two that come to mind are A Charlie Brown Christmas and How the Grinch Stole Christmas!.

However, if I was going to pick my ALL-TIME FAVORITEST HOLIDAY STORY OF ALL, I’d have to go with A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. I don’t care which “version” of it you want to watch (tho the Kelsey Grammer musical version really did kinda suck), I just LOOOOOOVE the story. Ultimately, it’s a story of redemption, and I think that’s what draws me to it. We all run into Scrooges in our lives, and sometimes the only thing that keeps us from going postal on those cold-hearted bastards is the idea that maybe, someday, they too discover the value of love, family, friendship, and generosity. I mean, if Ebenezer Scrooge can be reformed, can’t we all?

By far, my favorite adaptation of the story is Patrick Stewart’s audiobook - which, so far as I can tell, is not longer available for sale. SADFACE.

So tell me, What’s your favorite winter holiday story or tradition?

ETA: The fundraising goal was met in 18 hours. I dunno ’bout you, but I’m blown away. Feel free to give anyway - all funds over and above the original goal go to similar projects. Read the full story below (if you haven’t already).

From Jon Acuff at Stuff Christians Like*:

Out of nowhere, my daughters will say something that is punch you in the stomach profound and then do a ballet twirl and go play with dolls.

That’s just how they get down on a fairly regular basis, but one particular thing my oldest daughter said more than a year ago is refusing to let me go.

We were looking at a book on storms and came to a page about drought and famine. In the corner was a little boy who was starving. His ribs were sticking out and flies covered his small face. I kept flipping the pages but L.E. made me stop and return to that one. She asked, “What’s that?” I told her, “That’s a little boy who doesn’t have enough food to eat.” She thought for a few seconds and then responded, “That’s not real though. That’s pretend, right?”

Good lord. That’s one of those moments where parents get the depressing but altogether necessary job of crushing their child’s innocence. Yes, honey, it’s real.

When Jon’s daughter L.E. said that to him, he had something of an epiphany, and started thinking about what he could do to make things that shouldn’t be real… well, not real. Stuff Christians Like is an amazingly popular blog, and it occurred to him that maybe, instead of just using the internet to become quasi-famous and promote his new book, he could use his blog to do something really awesome for little kids who need some awesomeness.

Which is the short version of how Jon came to be raising $30,000 for a kindergarten in Vietnam. You can read about the project here and here, and you can donate here.

Just in case you’re wondering, Samaritan’s Purse, the organization through which Jon is raising this money and who will be doing the “real” work of building the orphanage, is a Charity Navigator 4-star organization, which means that they’re really efficient in using the money you give to do what they say they’re going to do. About 88 cents from every dollar donated goes directly to the project it’s earmarked for. So you can give to this project and know that you’re not actually donating money to the build-the-Acuffs-and-big-new-house fund or give-crazy-televangelists-more-dollars-for-annoying-telethons fund. Now that’s peace of mind.

And lastly, I just have to stand up and applaud Mr. Acuff for doing something so positive with his net-fame. Blogging is, in many ways, a totally self-interested occupation. We bloggers write posts about things that are important to us (and usually ONLY to us), and we welcome the accolades of strangers from around the globe telling us how clever and funny and thought-provoking we are. Some people actually make money from blogging (I have got to figure out how they do that, because honestly? Getting paid to talk about myself is my dream job). This is not to say that bloggers never write with a higher purpose in mind, such as raising awareness about certain issues, or encouraging people, or just making the noise on the net a little less negative. But this is the first time** that I’ve seen a blogger use his/her platform to do something big and awesome, and I’m real proud of this guy. Which is why I’m giving what little I can to this project.

What about you?

* Stuff Christians Like is a HILAAAAARIOUS blog about all the goofy crap that somehow came to be part of the churchy experience. If you’ve been part of a Protestant/Evangelical church for any amount of time, you’ll “get” SCL and you’ll LOVE it.
** Okay, that’s not true. Every year during Blogathon, bloggers the whole world over use their words to make a difference. However, this is the first time I’ve seen someone with real “blog-fame” use that fame for something so good. I’m sure others have done it before - this is just the first time I’m aware of it.

Every month, Elizabeth Esther hosts The Saturday Evening Blog Post, a collection of her friends’ “best of” posts for the last month. If you have a moment, head over there and check out the list - there’s some real gems in there, including Elizabeth’s post about Rethinking Feminism and our mutual net-friend Jennifer’s post about her weeklong fast from the computer. What I love about gatherings such as these (and Jennifer’s Seven Quick Takes every Friday) is the opportunity I get to “meet” some really nifty new people - even if it takes me a couple of days to get caught up!

Enjoy!

Jennifer over at Conversion Diary asked her readers on Monday to share the posts that capture the essence of their blogs. My blog is a real grab-bag, so I picked one of my Seven Quick Takes posts, specifically this one. It’s got everything I write about - cute animals, family and friends, God, books and movies.

I strongly recommend that you check out the links on Jen’s post because there are some darn good blogs out there. I’ve been working on them for the past two days!

Yesterday evening, my husband Jon was heading out to the store when he noticed something small, cute, and furry in the gutter in front of our house. It was a baby bunny, barely bigger than a golf ball. I nearly melted of the adorable. My brother and his girlfriend came out to look at the critter, too, and we all debated about what we should do. Feed it? I know what to feed orphaned kittens and dogs, but not bunnies. Would the folks at Petsmart know what to do? Should we just put her in a safe place and wait for the mommy to come and get her? Would the mommy not come back because we’d touched the baby? (I told Chrissy this was an urban myth, but I honestly have no idea if it is or not. I sounded very authoritative, though, so that’s a plus.)

Anyway, quickly googling “orphaned baby bunny” led me to the conclusion that attempting to feed or care for this widdle wabbit myself was a Bad Idea, since baby bunnies are apparently prone to really bad tummyaches. So I called a friend who makes a habit of rescuing animals; she, too, hopped on the net and found a wildlife rescue hotline for me to call. I left a message and received a call back this morning - apparently, an experienced wildlife rehabilitator lives just over a mile away from me! I dropped the baby off on my way to work.

I didn’t have the presence of mind to take a picture of the little guy (and my camera’s battery is dead, anyway) so I turned to the net again for a photograph that would take your breath away. You see those tiny little bebes? Don’t you just wanna kiss & snuggle them? The photographer says that “they were trapped in our window well, we rescued them and returned them to their mother.” AAAAAAAAAAAAAH I WUV DEM!

See? My blog is quite often just a stopping point for pics of cute animals!