Effortless Effervescence

The Smell of a Flower

Thing One: This photo by Edwin Dalorzo; I love how intent this little girl is on enjoying the smell of that half-wilted little weed of a flower.

Thing Two: We’re less than a week from Halloween - which means we’re kind of officially in the Holiday Season. YAY! I love Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year. I love the chilly air. Christmas carols. Claymation Christmas specials like Rudolph and Santa Claus is Coming to Town. And PRESENTS! This year I hope to make all of my presents. We’ll see if that actually happens.

Thing Three: A couple of weeks ago, I backed into a Ford Explorer. You see, I’m driving my husband’s truck lately instead of my VW New Beetle, and though I’m getting fairly good at navigating parking lots in a vehicle twice as long as I’m used to driving, I’m not perfect. Hence, bumping the Explorer - and I left a little scratch and ding under its driver’s side brake light. I felt like a total dumbass, and I considered for a second driving away without leaving a note, but then I remembered my respect-bordering-on-superstition of karma, or the law of sowing and reaping, or punishment of sin, or whatever you want to call it. I like to think of it in positive terms: “It’s ALWAYS worth it to do The Right Thing.” (Of course, sometimes The Right Thing isn’t easily discerned, but that’s another blog post.) So I dug around in my purse for a pen and found a pencil, wrote three drafts of an “I’m sorry, please call me to exchange insurance info” note onto scraps of paper from my journal, wrapped the final draft in a plastic bag (because it was drizzly that day and I didn’t want the note to become wet and unreadable) and only then did I drive away.

The owner of the truck called me on Friday. He said it’s an older vehicle and he doesn’t want to bother repairing it, but he thanked me several times for leaving a note. Of course, people aren’t always so nice when we’re honest with them; in fact, sometimes they take advantage of us. The scratch and ding that I thought I’d left could have already been on the Explorer, and the owner could have used my insurance to take care of something he himself had done years before. But he didn’t. And I’m always glad when my faith in Doing The Right Thing is rewarded

Thing Four: I went to a friend’s baby shower yesterday. This friend and her husband have been trying over a year to have a baby, and have been through all sorts of trials in the process. I know they’re grateful that their prayers for a child have finally been answered; grateful for the friends and family that have been through this long, scary, emotional process with them; grateful for the amazing things modern medicine can do. Most of all, I’m bet they’re grateful they didn’t give up in the middle of the process, when they were discouraged and hurting. Sometimes the difference between an unanswered prayer and an answered one is just waiting a little longer.

Thing Four-and-a-Half: This same friend really liked the gift I gave her - my very first crochet project. It was quite imperfect, but beautiful. (Like all of us!)

Thing Five: Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked Frozen Yogurt. OM NOM NOMALICIOUS.

Thing Six: My stepson, who is going to be Hulk for Halloween. Imagining that in my head? Will make me smile for a week.

Thing Seven: Our animals. In know I say this all the time, but I love, love, love our animals. They’re so cute I melt every time I look at ‘em.

Bonus Thing I’m Thankful For: My husband, who makes me feel like I’m the best thing that ever happened to him.

Y’know, I actually don’t like David Bowie all that much, but the pun was just there for the taking…

New theme at Effortless Effervescence, and probably some other changes ahead. If you hate it or love it or “eh” it, lemme know, okay? Thanks, bebes

From Mrs. Anna T at Domestic Felicity: 15 Common Breastfeeding Mistakes, Part 1 and Part 2. Anna is a conservative Jewish woman living in Israel, and has interesting things to say about feminism, feminity, homemaking and modesty. I’ve been enjoying her blog very much over the past couple of weeks.

On the other end of the spectrum, The Atlantic offers us The Case Against Breastfeeding. This article is radical, and I’ll bet it’s made a lot of people MAD. It’s very possible I might make some people mad by linking to it, but I’m too shocked and intrigued to care!

Yet another case of “just when you think you have all the facts…”

Hat tip to Tysdaddy for this one. I absolutely MUST see Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire. Here’s the movie’s synopsis, from the official website:

Lee Daniels’ Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire is a vibrant, honest and resoundingly hopeful film about the human capacity to grow and overcome. Set in Harlem in 1987, it is the story of Claireece ‘Precious’ Jones, a sixteen-year-old African-American girl born into a life no one would want. She’s pregnant for the second time by her absent father; at home, she must wait hand and food on her mother, a poisonously angry woman who abuses her emotionally and physically. School is a place of chaos, and Precious has reached the ninth grade with good marks and an awful secret: she can neither read nor write.

Precious may sometimes be down, but she is never out. Beneath her impassive expression is a watchful, curious young woman with an inchoate but unshakeable sense that other possibilities exist for her. Threatened with expulsion, Precious is offered the chance to transfer to an alternative school, Each One/Teach One. Precious doesn’t know the meaning of “alternative,” but her instincts tell her this is the chance she has been waiting for. In the literacy workshop taught by the patient yet firm Ms. Rain, Precious begins a journey that will lead her from darkness, pain and powerlessness to light, love and self-determination.

Just the brief glimpses of Mo’Nique’s and Mariah Carey’s performances in the trailer blew me away, and I’ve heard that newcomer Gabourey Sidibe kicked butt and took names in the title role. I’m half-tempted to pick up the book before the movie comes out in November, but since I’m ALWAYS disappointed in the movie if I read the book first, I think I’ll just wait.

My friend Jennifer sent me this one: Entertainment Weekly presents the 25 best episodes from the Whedonverse. Though I may not agree wholly with EW’s ranking (I think that “The Gift” should be a little higher on the list) it’s still a fun read. With nifty pictures, to boot!

Every time I watch this video, I laugh so hard I cry. Yes, I’ve posted it before, but I don’t care. Each new day needs another dose of kittens.

Also, can I just say that I’m SO. SAD. our kittens aren’t that small any more? I can? Thanks.

I have to give props to the United Methodist Church for their nifty new website. It’s definitely slick and interesting, and sooooo not “church as we know it.” I’m a little perplexed and put off by what the site’s purpose appears to be. I think the UMC is recruiting people to join and serve within their church, with folks who are already professing Christians as the target audience. All of which gives me kind of a creepy feeling, and I’m not sure why. I mean, I wholeheartedly believe that the church should be an agent of blessing in the world, and I’m super impressed with any Christian organization that helps people rather than lecturing them. But something about a large-scale marketing campagin being targeted at reeling in new members doesn’t seem quite right, even if those new members are supposedly being reeled in to serve God and their neighbor.

I don’t know what to think about this thing. What do y’all think?

I’m just going to remind you, again, quickly, that if you’re looking for an AVON lady, I’m your gal. Shop online at my e-store 24/7 and have your orders delivered directly to your home.

Also, I’ve listed a few bottles of BPAL for auction on eBay. Quite poor in the pocketbook right now, so I’m cleaning house. It’s always hard but sometimes necessary.

What are you waiting for? Go, shop!!!

My husband and I took a road trip this weekend, and I learned some very valuable lessons.

1. When deprived of caffeine, my bladder can successfully wait 200 miles between pit stops.

2. When provided with caffeine, my bladder’s lucky to make it 50 miles without stopping.

3. McDonald’s uses the same antimicrobial cleanser they used 13 years ago when I worked for them. I know this because EVERY SINGLE McDonald’s bathroom smells exactly the same way. However, no amount of that cleanser can cover the smell of copious amounts of urine. (This is actually a lesson I learned 13 years ago, but I received a “refresher course” this weekend.)

4. Murphy’s Law of Urination, Part One: The smaller and more cramped a public restroom is, the more people need to use it at any given time.

5. Most establishments on I-95 haven’t figured out that coat hooks would be a low-cost value-added fixture to add to their public restrooms. Not having to loop my purse over my neck while squatting in the stall would improve my customer satisfaction tenfold.

6. Murphy’s Law of Urination, Part Two: The fuller your bladder is, the more bumps will be on the highway exit and road leading to the gas station/fast food restaurant where your throne awaits.

7. Although most convenience stores sell a variety of domestic and imported 40 ounce bottles of beer, none of the ones I visited stocked hand sanitizer.

8. Hand sanitizer would be a welcome addition to the “things my purse must ALWAYS contain,” for the times when touching the bathroom door handle as I exit makes me feel that washing my hands post-urination was for naught.

9. Murphy’s Law of Urination, Part Three: The worse you have to pee, the more stubborn and uncooperative the toilet paper dispenser will be, and the longer your relief will be delayed as you attempt to cover the toilet seat with a dozen small squares of one-ply tissue.

10. Nothing feels better than the first time you sit on your own commode after thirteen hours of communal toilets.

I hope this wisdom I have imparted will guide you in your next journey. Go in peace, my friends.

One of my pet peeves is disqualifying compliments. Here’s an example of social dialogue that sets my teeth on edge:

Susie: “Oh my goodness, Sally, you look so cute in that top.”
Sally: “It would look so much better if I could lose five pounds!”

And another:

Sally: “Susie, this meal is delicious. You’re such a great cook.”
Susie: “Oh, I’m just good at following directions.”

Where did we get the idea that this sort of false modesty is a virtue? Does denying the truth of someone else’s statement, and putting ourselves down with considerable flair, win us cosmic brownie points? I hear this sort of banter from women quite a lot, but men are guilty of it, too. I think many of us learned at a young age that no one likes a braggart, and in an effort to avoid being perceived as conceited jerks, we don’t trumpet our accomplishments. From that point the next logical conclusion was that we’d better downplay our talents and skills when someone else points them out, lest they think that receiving a compliment graciously means we’re peacocking out.

Years ago, I had a small epiphany, and I’ve been a bit evangelistic about it. Whenever you’re tempted to blow off a compliment, stop for a moment and think of it this way: someone just gave you a gift. What do you do when you’ve been given a gift? If you’re well-mannered, you say thank you. And you don’t insult the giver by refusing to take it.

Think of someone who has made it very clear that they were disappointed with a present that you put a lot of thought into. (This is common, and occasionally acceptable, from a three-year-old who has not yet learned her social filters. It is not acceptable - but not uncommon! - from adults who really should be better mannered.) Didn’t you feel like saying, “Well, fine then, I won’t bother next time!” Every time you disqualify a compliment, you’re figuratively sneering at the thoughtful gift someone’s handed you. And by denying the truth of their statement, you’re calling them a liar. It’s possible that, eventually, they’ll figure out that you can’t be pleased, and they’ll give up trying.

What about the insincere compliments? What about the people who want to see us full of ourselves so they can come back later with their Bitchy Stick and beat us like a pinata until all our good will falls out? Yeah, those people exist. But I don’t think that being self-critical is going to ward them off. They won’t leave you alone because you’re parroting what you think they want to hear - “I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not pretty enough.” If anything, it draws them closer, because their self-hatred loves to make friends with someone else’s - anyone else’s! - self-hatred.

So do yourself a favor. (If you can’t bring yourself to try for your sake, then do ME a favor, okay?) The next time someone says, “Good job,” bite your tongue before you say something stupid like, “It was nothing.” It wasn’t nothing! You worked hard, you did well, and someone is acknowledging it! Instead, say “Thank you,” because it’s the right thing to do. Say it because it feels good to soak up any little bit of love the universe gives you. Say it because it’ll confound the haters. Say it because responding graciously to kindness is a guarantee that more will come your way.

I’ll be the first person to admit that I can be 1) slow on the uptake and 2) slightly self-centered. (But in a totally adorable way, of course.) Sometimes it doesn’t OCCUR to me that someone might be hurt/sad/angry/depressed until they say something about it, and then I think, “Dammit! I totally should have seen that coming, and attempted to drown their sadness with cookies and hugs.”

So I shouldn’t be surprised that it hadn’t occurred to me that Mother’s Day could be so emotionally loaded for some people. Well, sure, I knew that my friends who’d lost their moms had a hard time. And for the women who want to be mothers, but for some disappointing reason are not, Mother’s Day sucks. I knew a woman years ago who was estranged from her teenage daughter, and I always tried to honor her on Mother’s Day because I knew she would be feeling her daugther’s absence more keenly. But it wasn’t until this year, when several of my blog-buddies talked about how negative their relationships with their mothers were, that I realized there’s a whole other section of people who are emotionally screwed on Mother’s Day.

Unfortunately, Father’s Day isn’t much better. My ex-husband lost his father a few years ago, so Father’s Day sucks a bit for him. Those who have grown up without fathers, or who have a volatile relationship with their dads, feel left out and angry on that day. And though they’re not as vocal as moms or wannabe-moms are, I’m sure there are countless men out there who are hurting because they’re lost a child or were never able to have one.

I forget how lucky I am. My mom and dad aren’t perfect people, but since I have yet to meet any human being who IS perfect, I don’t fault them for that. I am just so darn lucky to have two people who care about me as much as my parents do, who sacrificed in so many ways to give me a safe, happy, healthy childhood and tons of opportunities as I entered adulthood. That kind of support is rare in today’s world, so those of us who were blessed enough to have it should be grateful every day.

We can also take a cue from a friend of mine who emailed each of her girlfriends yesterday to thank them for “mothering” her throughout the years. Sometimes when our biological family doesn’t fit the bill, we create a family of choice - people who don’t share our DNA and aren’t bound to us legally, but who nurture us as God intended family to do. Though nothing can fully erase the pain of a broken home or an abusive parent, knowing that someone (or many someones!) accepts and treasures us goes a long way to healing our hearts, and making it possible for us to pass that love on to someone else.

So today I want to thank my entire family - those of you who are “stuck” with me, and those who have chosen me - for being part of my life, and for giving me so much to be grateful for. And I want to open my arms to everyone who is hurting today, who feels lost and alone in this world, and say, “I accept you. I treasure you. Be well.”

It’s a banner day. For the first time in a week, I woke up and did not have to take any cold medicine. The awesomeness of no longer being drowned in my own mucus overwhelms me! (And you’re welcome for that mental image.) In addition to being sick, I’ve been busy all week at work, so I was extra tired last night. However, I woke up this morning refreshed and ready to take on the weekend. I have the whole day to do fun things like read and write and nap, and my dad & maybe my brother are coming over for dinner tonight, which means I get to cook yummy foods. Life is GOOD.

Hey, you wanna see how cute I am today? Here you go. The longer my hair gets, the more annoying it is during warm weather, and Virginia Beach has been limping along towards summer the past couple of weeks. (By limping I mean, 85F one day and 55F the next. WTF, Mother Nature?) My solution? FREAKING ADORABLE PIGTAILS! And what is the purpose of the internet other than to share my adorableness? I can’t think of anything else, either. I’m channeling a bit of Laura Ingalls Wilder, a bit of Anne Shirley, and a whole lot of Pippy Longstocking. Look out, world.

Before I run off to make my bed and do laundry and go grocery shopping, can I just say one more thing? (Of course I can, it’s my blog!) I love online banking. Seriously, how did we get by before computers? (I don’t know and I just don’t wanna.) No more waiting for checks to clear or paying for money orders. I just log in to my credit union’s website, type in the numbers and off my money goes. Now a paranoid techno-phobe might be creeped out by the idea that money disappears from one’s bank account with a single keystroke, but I am not that person. I’ll let someone else worry that the internet may become self-aware and kill us all. I’m just worried about paying my mortgage on time.

There you go, your morning dose of Smoochagator Randomness. Hopefully I’ll have a movie review for you tomorrow (I have a couple of Blockbuster DVDs that are a week overdue - oops! - and a scary movie that came highly recommended by a coworker) and maybe even a writing update. Until then, take care of yourselves and enjoy this lovely day.

P.S. What is Caturday without a LOLcat?

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

…I had to share Tori Amos’ new video, “Maybe California.”

From Spinner (where you can download a copy of the “Maybe California” for free!):

This Mother’s Day, Tori Amos wanted to extend a special gift to all mothers in the best way she knows how: with song. ‘Maybe California’ — off her May 19th-due album, ‘Abnormally Attracted to Sin’ — was written, as she describes it, from one mother to another, who, as the lyrics explore, is contemplating suicide. The tune itself is meant as a saving grace, of sorts.

“There are people in our lives, and we all know them, that are able to give even in the darkest of times,” Amos, who has an 8-year-old daughter, Natashya, says. “Even when they seem depleted. But somehow by giving, they gain this magical light. Even the most giving person needs a gift every once and a while, just to know they are seen and appreciated. ‘Maybe California’ is my gift to you.”

She is so lovely. Enjoy

From MSN Encarta: 20 Things You Didn’t Know About Death. My favorite? “More people commit suicide in New York City than are murdered.” Dude, that’s heavy.

ETA: Also, Kansas couple married for 67 years die hours apart. Awww, that’s sweet. In a morbid kind of way.

Strunk and White: 50 Years of Stupid Grammar Advice.

Agree? Disagree?